Double-Life

When we lived in Fort Good Hope, I often felt like life was on hold while we were there. It never quite felt like 'home'. I always knew it was a temporary place to live, and a crazy place to live at that. I often felt like we were just waiting until we could go home for our next one-month visit. And even though we did meet some amazing people, living in Fort Good Hope always seemed surreal.

But now that we live in Yellowknife, I find it even more confusing. Some days I feel like Yellowknife is my home, and other days I really wish I was living back in PEI, next-door to my sister, across the street from Jeff & Krista, and a short drive from all of our other friends and family.

Last night Brent and I were looking through his pictures from Depot. One of his troop mates lost his home in the Slave Lake fire, and all of his pictures from Depot were destroyed. He was hoping that we might be able to send him a few of ours to show his daughter one day. So I was leafing through our photo albums, and I found pictures from when Sophie was first born, when we were still living in PEI. I have all of these pictures of her taken with every single member of my family. On Sophie's first Halloween, we got pictures of her with practically all of my cousins, parents, grandparents and some very handsome RCMP officers as well. Sometimes it makes me very sad to think of all the special occasions that the girls do not get to share with our families. And what makes it harder is knowing that we are not able to be a part of all of their lives too. I hate not being there when Max is smiling and laughing with Krista, Mom and Ellen, I hate not seeing Matthew's new house, or hearing Poppy's hearing aid ringing out of control, or missing the Bedford crew's annual Halloween party, or eating lunch on Grandma and Grandad's patio. Hands down the hardest part of moving away has been realizing that we won't get these years back.

Now before my Mom hops on a plane to fly here and get me admitted, let me just say that I may miss home some times, but that doesn't mean that life in Yellowknife is anything other than amazing. We have great friends, I have the most amazing job and coworkers, and the girls could not be happier. I love our life here, and I am always looking on the positive side of any situation. Do we miss home? Absolutely, but living in the north has meant becoming a really strong family unit. Do we live in a trailer? Sure do, but it is our home, with a yellow bedroom for Sophie, a sandbox for Maggie, and the green chair that Sony used to perch in while he stalked the mailman each day. We have a crib board that my Uncle Lorne made me, pictures of our East Coast family all over the walls, and Matt Andersen blasting on the stereo during our weekly dance parties.

Moving away from home has been the hardest thing that Brent and I have ever done, but we have made it a point not just to survive the next few years, but to have the best possible time that we can. Special occasions can be hard, but they make us more appreciative of our trips home every summer.

And when we do eventually move back home, and whether that means to put down roots in PEI or Nova Scotia, our double lives will end. Right now I am part-northerner and part-maritimer, but I know someday that my northern identity will become part of my past. And I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to her yet. She's had a pretty good ride so far.